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TiVo without a phone-o

Friday, December 01, 2006

tivoGoogle the phrase "TiVo voip" and you'll wind up with a wad of fanboys in one hand screaming, "yes, it works great!" and a bunch of equally animated haters all emo about the whole process.

Which group is right? Unfortunately, both. It all hinges on how old your TiVo's operating system is. Those hatched earlier than v7.2 will need a phone line to transform their DVR from a sullen lump of cold, hard plastic to something approximating that cute TiVo mascot thingy. One guy, a die-hard cell/voip internet phone user, finally took his DVR to work-- ran it through a setup program, downloaded the updated OS and then, with a great flourish of trumpets...took his gadgetry home at the end of the day, in perfect working condition.

If, by chance, you caved in to the scaly little demon sitting on your left shoulder and bought a TiVo system without first finding out what OS it shipped with...well, you're just totally hosed. Hehehe. Kidding, I promise. Here's what you do:

  1. Carefully unwrap your precious from its squeaky, Styrofoam cocoon.
  2. Take a moment and inhale the heady mix of outgassing plastics. Try not to pass out.
  3. After you come to, rummage around in your recycling bin for the orange box your TiVo came in. Or, if you're single and without school aged offspring, simply pick it up off the floor. Everyone else with kids knows that letting cardboard touch anything other than the recycling bin is tantamount to harpooning baby dolphins. Seriously, I think that's what they're teaching them in school.
  4. However you manage, take that orange box and carefully inspect the underside until you locate the 12-digit UPC code. If you spy the letters "SS" next to your UPC code, throw that box in the air and do a little happy dance, because your unit is totally broadband capable.
  5. Should those magical letters fail to materialize, better put your adventure boots on because it's time to embark on the Great TiVo Setup Quest! [cue monkey sounds] Lucky you! Expect a few roadbumps along the way but probably, you won't have to sacrifice any virgins to get it working.
  6. As noted above, you'll have to beg, borrow, or steal a standard-issue phone line so you can setup the system and download a current OS.